LGBTQ+ characters seem to be showing up more and more in kids’ media. One database lists 259 queer characters across 100+ kids’ cartoons. Almost all kids’ programming today will feature a queer character at some point. So how can Christian parents respond to queer representation in kids’ media? What’s the best approach to protecting our kids while living in a world where gay and trans characters are impossible to avoid? How do we handle all the ways culture is pushing ungodly sexual relationships on our kids?
Secular shows don’t teach God’s wisdom
The truth is, secular kids’ media will lead our kids to pursue whatever makes them feel good, the relationships that serve them, the spaces that make them feel the most authentic. That will include same-sex relationships, opposite-sex relationships, polyamorous relationships, transition, and more. Because why not? It might be any one of those things that brings me the most pleasure and belonging, so I can’t discount any of them as a path to authenticity and happiness.
Christian parents often don’t seem to mind secular kids’ shows leading kids to embrace romance idolatry or a marriage-and-nuclear-family-centric approach to relationships, as long as those romances and marriages are between opposite-sex characters. But if the show dips into LGBT+ territory, parents have a problem.
Should Christian parents “cancel” any show that has LGBT+ characters or storylines, remove any presence of merchandise from our homes, and ban our children from ever enjoying the show again? Should we assume our kids are too young to understand and just gloss over it, or should we try to have a conversation about the content of the show? What do we do?
Easy solutions can cause long-term damage
The easiest solution may be to completely remove the offending media from our children’s lives. I understand the concerns. We don’t want our children to pick up cultural messages that would lead them toward a progressive sexual ethic.
And it’s true that, when it comes to LGBT+ topics, much of what secular kids’ media promotes is problematic. Transition is upheld as a key to happiness and even survival for those who experience gender incongruence. Same-sex relationships are touted as a route to personal fulfillment. Clearly, those aren’t the values we want to pass on to our kids. But are we addressing all of the ways the advice and values found in kids’ shows contradict Scripture? Or are we only concerned when an LGBT+ character shows up on screen? If we’re willing to cancel kids’ shows for having LGBT+ characters and storylines, but we’re unwilling to cancel them when other plots or characters clearly contradict the wisdom of Scripture, are we just being homophobic/transphobic?
While our hearts may be in the right place, what do our kids learn when we withdraw our support for Bluey because one of the dogs has two moms? While we probably hope to communicate to our kids that God’s best plan for relationships doesn’t include same-sex romance, I don’t think our kids hear that. They aren’t hearing the love God has for all people, regardless of their attractions. They aren’t hearing that God has set a high bar for sexual stewardship for all people, regardless of their orientation.
What do our kids learn when we ban The Owl House when one of the characters begins to use they/them pronouns? While we probably hope to communicate to our kids that God’s best plan for our bodies doesn’t include medical transition, I’m not sure our kids hear that. They aren’t hearing the love God has for all people, regardless of how they feel on the inside. They aren’t hearing that God has good wisdom for everyone’s body, regardless of their internal sense of gender.
Rather, they’re hearing
- Being gay or trans is bad (I’m not allowed to watch Bluey any more because of the two moms; girls who are married to girls must be bad.)
- Same-sex attractions/gender incongruence should be kept a secret (Shows where a girl turns into a boy aren’t allowed in our home; if I ever feel wrong in my body, I probably won’t be welcome in my home so I shouldn’t tell anyone.)
- LGBT+ people are subject to rules straight people aren’t (Before Peppa Pig’s friend shared about her two moms my parents weren’t concerned about the show at all; God must have extra rules for girls who marry other girls.)
Lead your kids in conversation instead of canceling in fear
Parents, I urge you to use these cultural moments to teach your kids about God’s wisdom regarding sexual stewardship and His love for LGBT+ people, instead of canceling or banning without nuance. Since our identity as Christians is firmly rooted in Christ, the characters in Bluey and Peppa Pig and all the other shows are not a threat to us or to God’s wisdom.
While it is right to talk to our children about the appropriate place tv shows should have in our lives, we don’t have to condemn LGBT+ people in order to teach our kids about God-honoring stewardship of our sexuality and our body.
You could say something like this: “God loves LGBT+ people and has good plans for them. God’s design for relationships and sex is the same for all people, regardless of who they’re attracted to. God’s design for bodies is the same for all people, regardless of how they feel on the inside. Let’s pray together that you will choose to follow God’s wisdom. And I want you to know that if you ever notice that you’re attracted to other girls or if you ever notice you feel like your biological sex and your gender don’t match, it’s safe to tell me, and I’ll do everything I can to help you thrive in God’s good plan for your life.”
Choose consistency over fear
Consistency is key. If we don’t allow our kids to watch shows with LGBT+ characters simply because the show has LGBT+ characters, we also need to bar our children from viewing any other actor/musician/celebrity/character/tv show/movie that uses romance or sex outside of God’s best. This includes sex outside of marriage, cheating on a spouse, divorce and remarriage, using pornography, casual dating with intimacy of a more sexual nature, having children outside of wedlock, or an idolization of romance or sex or marriage. Are we willing to do that?
Inconsistency doesn’t protect our children. Instead, it teaches them to discriminate. And when that inconsistency is applied only to LGBT+ people, it teaches our kids homophobia and transphobia. Our actions communicate to our children, “Straight cisgender people who ignore God’s wisdom get a pass, but if an LGBT+ person isn’t following the rules, they must be punished them.”
If parents feel they must cancel certain shows to be serious about protecting their kids from the influences of our sex-obsessed culture, we should cancel everyone whose sexual stewardship isn’t God-honoring. But if we’re not willing to do that, we must admit that our reaction to LGBT+ characters is likely about more than just protecting.
Cancel culture won’t protect our kids
Even if we managed to successfully protect our children from watching any tv shows that fall short of God’s high standards, we would still fail to block them from exposure to sexual brokenness in the rest of their lives. Reminders are everywhere that this world is not as it should be. Even if we narrow our focus just to gay people, there are many places our elementary-aged children could come into contact with a gay person not following God’s best plans. Do we refuse to allow our kids to interact with their second-grade teacher who has a picture of his same-sex spouse on his desk? Do we quit the sports team when a teammate’s two moms show up to cheer for their child? Do we stop taking our child to library story time because the children’s librarian wears a Pride flag pin on her lanyard?
No.
We teach them that the way Jesus calls His followers to live is often different from what others choose to do. We teach our children about God-honoring sexual stewardship while also teaching them to love and honor those who don’t uphold the same sexual ethic.
What can parents do instead of canceling?
1. Carefully evaluate the media your child consumes
Some tips to help you decide whether media is right for your family:
- Look at the movie/show as a whole. Do the characters live and behave in ways you’d want your child to emulate?
- Consider the show’s purpose for including LGBT+ characters. Is it meant to be a charged, political statement? Or is the show simply acknowledging that some people are attracted to the same sex and some experience gender incongruence? Do the characters follow the cultural script by seeking out romance/exclusive relationships with people of the same sex or by seeking out hormonal/surgical transition? Or is the character just trying to work up the courage to tell their parents about their attractions or their internal sense of gender?
- What is the show attempting to teach your child about sexuality and biological sex/gender? About relationships? About what to do with sexual attractions? About what our bodies are for? Are these actions and attitudes you want your child to learn?
- Does the show reflect reality? Does the gay character experience realistic consequences (positive or negative) for their choices? Is there an unrealistic “happily ever after” when it comes to romantic relationships? Is there an unrealistic resolution to feelings of gender incongruence?
- Could you use the character/movie as a way to start conversation about God’s good design for relationships, about how we steward our sexuality, about how we steward our bodies, and about the gospel purpose of Christian marriage and vocational singleness?
2. Clearly define Christian marriage and differentiate that from what culture calls marriage.
God invented marriage, so He gets to define what it is. But your kids are going to hear many definitions of what marriage is and what its purpose is, and most of those are not going to line up with what God says marriage is and is for. So use the phrase “Christian marriage” when talking to your kids about God’s wisdom and use a phrase like “legal marriage” or “civil marriage” when talking about the legal partnership two people enter into that is recognized by a government.
4. Help your child resist the idol of romance
Disney is built on the idol of romance–the idea that we all have a prince or princess out there and that we’ll live happily ever after once we’ve found them, that magically coupled love is the best thing the world (and God) has to offer. But Scripture does not promise us romance or sex or marriage. And romance, sex, and marriage are not necessary to meet our intimacy needs. (Not sure? Take a look at the lives of Jesus and the Apostle Paul.)
So what can you do? Celebrate committed Christian singleness. Help your kids learn how to do friendship well. Accurately teach about the beauty and blessing of Christian marriage. Help your kids recognize that Scripture never promises romance to anyone. Help your kids form deep friendships. Teach your kids how to be content and sure of themselves in Christ without relying on romance to give them value and worth.
5. Separate LGBT+ cultural language from same-sex sexual behavior and medical transition, and resist language debates
From a young age, teach kids God’s good plan for human intimacy, family, sex, sexuality, and relational vocations. Teach kids that LGBT+ people aren’t powerless against cultural scripts and aren’t forced by their sexual orientation or gender identity to do or say anything in particular.
When we demand that our kids use terminology that none of their friends use, when we insist they not use the words the world around them commonly uses to describe a pattern of attractions or an internal sense of gender, we lose credibility. Losing the trust of our kids over language debates wastes precious positive influence you’ll need for much more important conversations about God’s wisdom for LGBT+ people.
What can we do instead? Take the power away from the cultural scripts. Uncouple the language from the behavior. Attractions don’t change how God expects an individual to steward their sexuality. Internal feelings don’t change how God expects an individual to steward their body and their biological sex. Use the language of culture, but talk about God’s expectations for every Christian, regardless of their attractions or how they feel inside. God’s wisdom is good, and His script is best no matter what words your child uses or hears to describe sexuality or gender. Rather than convincing kids not to use words like gay or trans, spend your time convincing them that God’s wisdom is worth following.
You could say something like, “Misha uses they/them pronouns? Cool. God still expects Misha to steward their body in a way that honors Him. His wisdom is good for Misha and good for you, too.”
“Grace is bisexual? Cool. God still expects Grace to follow His wisdom for relationships and sexual stewardship. His wisdom is good for Grace and good for you, too.”
6. Talk about what’s going on in culture
We don’t have to be afraid of culture. And our kids need us to talk to them about what they’re hearing and seeing on the Disney channel, at school, on YouTube, and from their peers.
Have intentional conversation about God’s wisdom for the cultural issues we face, and be prepared to respond to what you see in the kids’ media your child is exposed to.
7. Have compassion for LGBT+ people, your child, and yourself
Have compassion for LGBT+ folks and singles as you have conversation about sexual stewardship. Conversations with our kids won’t get very far if we’re not able to show compassion for those on the margins, for the hardships they have and continue to endure, especially at the hands of Christians. Voicing compassion for sexual and gender minorities while also teaching your kids what God’s wisdom is helps your children understand that love and truth are not mutually exclusive.
Have compassion for your child as they navigate a broken world, trying to resist the broken but tantalizing wisdom culture offers them. Your child will eventually discover sexual brokenness in themselves. Your child will eventually sin sexually in some way. Create a safe and respectful relationship now, particularly in the way you speak of sexual brokenness and sexual sin, that will ensure your child isn’t afraid to share those things with you.
And have compassion for yourself. Every conversation won’t go perfectly. You’ll miss some opportunities. When your kid is 20 you’ll probably look back and see where you could have done things differently. God knows we’re not able to be perfect parents; that’s why He gave us the Holy Spirit who convicts us of our own sin, helps us to pray and understand God’s word, and will help us parent according to God’s wisdom. God is sovereign. You are the right parent for your child. You can do this.
