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Reflecting Christ’s Love & Wisdom in the Trans Political Debate

Church potlucks and family table conversations increasingly include the latest cable news story about a trans athletes competing against female-bodied people, a drag story time for kids at a local public library, a state legislature bill banning trans people from using the bathroom of their gender identity, or schools withholding information from parents that kids are sharing with school counselors about gender identity questions. The US Supreme Court is preparing to hear its first trans case in 2025, deliberating whether states can prohibit minors from hormonal and surgical transition. It feels like cultural conversation about trans people might reach its pinnacle in the coming year.

But this isn’t just political for many of us in the Church. It’s personal. Some of us are trying to faithfully navigate robust gender incongruence, or we have siblings, classmates, kids, grandkids, or coworkers who are trans in one way or another. Christians these days find it difficult to avoid political arguments about trans topics or theological or personal conversations with people we care about in our lives about trans topics. Maybe there’s a trans person or a cisgendered ally in your life who deeply disagrees with you about trans topics. Even if we’d prefer to avoid conversation about trans topics if we could, we know we can’t.

Enjoy this free preview of Equip’s video teaching. To watch the full-length video, get access to Equip’s on-demand Digital Leaders Course, featuring “Reflecting Christ’s Love & Wisdom in the Trans Political Debate” and much more.

We yearn for a way to engage in dialogue in a way that we’re not embarrassed by what we’re saying or afraid to be bulldozed. And in a way that communicates our love to other people, including trans people. In a way that shows them more of both Christ’s love and wisdom for trans people. Sometimes, the best way to prepare for the future is to learn from the past.

Learn from the past

Back in the 2000s and 2010s when a similar but different cultural conversation about same-sex marriage took place, Christian engagement had some successes and some failures. What if we learned from our mistakes in that cultural conversation and prepared ourselves for upcoming conversation to reflect Christ’s love and wisdom for trans people, including how to maintain relationship with relatives and friends who passionately disagree without compromising on the teachings or empathy of Jesus?

To pursue that, we’ll explore the following:

  1. What can we learn from Christian participation in the gay marriage debate?
  2. How can Christians think and speak differently about trans topics?
  3. What might biblical, compassionate care for trans people look like?
  4. How can we maintain relationship while maintaining our convictions?

What can we learn from Christian participation in the gay marriage debate?

To put it simply, I think we missed opportunities to respond to the American cultural gay marriage debate with Christ’s love and wisdom, leading to a negative perception of the Church that continues to be the number one barrier to the gospel for gay and straight non-Christians.

Andrew Marin’s Us Versus Us describes the results of “the largest ever scientific survey on the religious history, practices, and beliefs of the LCBT community.” That survey found that “negative personal experiences” with Christians/churches was the number one reason LGBT+ people left the faith. At the same time, 76% of LGBT+ people who had left the faith were open to returning, and 92% of those would not require a church to change their views in order to return.1

When Marin explores common themes among those negative personal experiences, the most common were painful pray-the-gay-away experiences, the sense of a double standard of sexual stewardship, and the difficulty of spending years in the closet.

In the 2000’s, Christians were frequently witnessed using homophobic slurs, claiming that people choose to be gay, arguing that gay sex was a more heinous sin than opposite-sex sexual sin, ignoring the inviability of lifelong singleness caused by a neglectful Church and idolization of marriage, and continuing to discourage same-sex attracted teens from sharing about their experience.

What if instead, they had heard something like the following:

“We know people don’t choose who they’re attracted to. And we know that “pray the gay away” is a lie that’s led millions of gay people to suicide or loss of faith. We don’t think God intended anyone to experience same-sex attraction, but it’s also not their fault. God isn’t surprised. God still loves gay people deeply. Gay people are still made in God’s image. God wants to invite gay people to follow His wisdom so that they can experience fullness of life, and He’s calling all Christians to help same-sex attracted Christians enjoy God’s best. Our churches need to be places where SSA Christians don’t have to be tortured by hiding in the closet. Instead, our churches have got to become places where gay people can share their story and be embraced by their siblings in Christ. Deeper community in the body of Christ can offer SSA Christians support to resist temptation toward same-sex romantic or sexual activity. But even more so, churches can help SSA Christians find life-giving connection in the context of community. God isn’t condemning gay people to hell or loneliness for the sake of holiness. He wants to offer gay people a spiritual family of brothers and sisters in Christ where they can enjoy belonging for a lifetime.”

How Christians can think and speak differently about trans topics?

In the future, we may look back on 2024/2025 as the year that our ham-fisted ways of engaging in cultural conversation about trans people pushed people further away from Jesus. Or, we could look back on 2024/2025 as the year that we learned from our misses in the cultural gay marriage debate, engaged in cultural conversation about trans people with both grace and truth, and made the gospel more accessible for future generations.

Today, what are non-Christians hearing from Christians about trans people?

Christians argue that being trans is either fake or a mental illness. They argue that trans people are predators trying to trick kids into being trans and/or get in restrooms around vulnerable females. They argue that hormones/surgery is a liberal agenda to abuse children and mutilate their genitals. Boys should like the color blue, trucks, and football. Girls should like the color pink, Barbies, and ballet.

What if instead they heard something like the following:

“We believe people when they say that throughout their childhood and adolescence, they experienced a painful incongruence between their internal felt sense of their gender versus their biological sex. For years when they looked in the mirror, they felt alien in their own body. We’re also disgusted by baseless, transphobic accusations that all trans people are predators and transphobic assertions that all trans people are mentally ill. While we don’t think God intended for anyone to experience gender incongruence, it isn’t their fault. God isn’t surprised, and God still loves trans people deeply. Trans people are still made in God’s image. God wants to invite trans people to follow His wisdom so that they can experience fullness of life, and He’s calling all Christians to help trans Christians enjoy God’s best. Our churches need to be places where trans Christians don’t have to be tortured by hiding in the closet. Instead, our churches have got to become places where trans people can share their story and be embraced by their siblings in Christ. Deeper community in the body of Christ can offer trans Christians support to resist the temptation to remake themselves in their own image using hormones or surgery. But even more so, churches can push back against harmful cultural gender stereotypes and offer trans Christians space where men and women honor God with their bodies while expressing themselves authentically.”

Let’s break that down.

We believe people when they say that throughout their childhood and adolescence, they experienced painful incongruence between their internal felt sense of their gender versus their biological sex. Do 80% of people who experience gender incongruence find that it resolves on its own by the time they reach adulthood?2 Yes. Do some post-pubescent individuals seem to “try on” trans for a season? Yes. But it does the gospel no good to lead with or emphasize those exceptions, and for the many people who genuinely, robustly, unavoidably experience gender incongruence, doubting them only pushes them further from Jesus.

For years when they looked in the mirror, they felt alien in their own body. Empathize with how challenging that experience must be. Build credibility.

We’re also disgusted by baseless, transphobic accusations that all trans people are predators and transphobic assertions that all trans people are mentally ill. While some trans individuals have been convicted of sexual assault (as well as many more cis people), blanket statements indicating that every person who experiences gender incongruence is a predator are demonstrably false. And while merely experiencing gender incongruence was at one time a diagnosable mental illness and seen as a psychological defect, that diagnosis has since been removed. When we openly recognize these things, we’ll earn some credibility to speak into other issues surrounding transgender.

While we don’t think God intended for anyone to experience gender incongruence, it isn’t their fault. This will be difficult for a trans person to hear if they disagree, but we can quickly follow up that it isn’t their fault they experience gender incongruence.

God isn’t surprised, and God still loves trans people deeply. Trans people are still made in God’s image. God doesn’t love trans people less than others. (To be clear, I’m using the word trans here to refer to people who call themselves trans or experience gender incongruence. I’m not using trans to make a statement about the morality of medical transition. Additionally, many trans-identifying people never go through medical transition.)

God wants to invite trans people to follow His wisdom so that they can experience fullness of life, and He’s calling all Christians to help trans Christians enjoy God’s best. We are inching our way toward another challenging statement, but we’re setting up that we’re not judging. It’s about God’s call to wisdom for the sake of their thriving. We’re also recognizing that it’s the responsibility of the Church and of Christians to support each other.

Our churches need to be places where trans Christians don’t have to be tortured by hiding in the closet. This statement offers more credibility building. And this is key–we don’t want anyone to have to privately struggle with queerness. That just makes them easy targets for the Enemy. We want them to bring whatever they’re dealing with out into the light, out into the open among their siblings in Christ so we can make sense of things together!

Instead, our churches must become places where trans people can share their story and be embraced by their siblings in Christ. More credibility is built as we’re building to the big statement.

Deeper community in the body of Christ can offer trans Christians support to resist the temptation to remake themselves in their own image using hormones or surgery. In cultural conversations about trans topics, you’ll eventually be pressed to answer this question, but using this nuanced strategy, you can build ample credibility. At the same time, you’re pivoting the focus from a simple “yes or no” question to instead highlighting why God offers the wisdom that he does: because medical transition is a remaking oneself in one’s own image.

But even more so, churches can push back against harmful cultural gender stereotypes and offer trans Christians space where men and women honor God with their bodies while expressing themselves authentically. This offers a quick sandwich of soft-hard-soft by recognizing the ways stereotypes that aren’t found in Scripture makes things worse for a lot of people.

Will this message actually work?

There are those on the extremes who will always be outraged, no matter what answer is given. But there are others who do care how we share about God’s wisdom and are willing to consider convictions they disagree with if they’re offered in an intellectually honest and compassionate way. Those on the extremes are so loud that we can be tricked into giving up on persuading anyone, but there are many who are still willing to be persuaded by grace and truth. It’s difficult, but it’s also the best way to push back against both transphobia and making an idol of self-invention.

Will there be people on the extreme left and the extreme right who will be deeply dissatisfied with this message? Sure. But it’s unlikely those individuals were ever open to being persuaded. However, this message can be compelling for persuadable non-Christians in between the extremes. The Church can reach trans people who hesitate to embrace the LGBT+ cultural/political movement whole-hog, and the Church can reach the parents, siblings, friends, and coworkers of trans people.

More likely, many of the loudest Christians will say that being trans is fake or a mental illness, accuse trans people of being predators, and double-down on gender stereotypes. I’m worried that the ugliness of those words from some Christians might actually change the minds of some middle-road Americans toward support for hormones/surgery for minors in opposition to what they perceive to be bigoted Christians.

Additionally, we know that progressive advocates will consistently reframe the conversation to be about protecting parent rights, stopping transphobia, and preventing teen suicide. My fear is that unless moderate Christians upskill on how to speak about these topics with confidence and nuance, they will instead be timid or silent. Non-Christians will then assume that the loudest Christians saying the most offensive things speak for all Christians and for Jesus. We need empathetic evangelical Christians equipped with grace and truth to be the loudest voice for Christ.

Biblical, compassionate care for trans people

While these political debates are exhilarating and provocative, more important theological questions remain:

  • What were God’s intentions for biological sex and felt gender?
  • How did the Fall impact sex and gender?
  • How is God inviting Christians to steward enduring brokenness of various kinds, and how is God calling the Church to come alongside those believers carrying heavy burdens?

However, when a teen or adult chooses to share with you about their gender incongruence, they’re often not ready for emotionally-loaded theological questions. Many have already experienced painful rejection from believers, leading to doubt about God’s love for them and the safety of their family or church. They’re burdened by hesitation and fear, and forced conversation about gender ethics will rarely be the most effective first step to minister to the individual well.

Parents and pastors know that they first need to build trust and rapport with the trans person who might eventually make space for heavier theological conversation. As we patiently wait for the Holy Spirit to move (and perhaps convict), how can we embody the compassion of Christ as we disciple Christians navigating gender incongruence?

Here’s seven suggestions for empathetic care for trans people while holding fast to biblical wisdom for gender ethics:

  1. Adopt a posture of empathy and compassion
  2. Prioritize addressing mental health challenges
  3. Honor their lack of choice and explore morally neutral relief
  4. Support acceptance of brokenness and suffering
  5. Give them permission to reject cultural gender stereotypes
  6. Encourage them to share their stories and gather
  7. Practice name and pronoun hospitality

First, adopt a general posture of empathy and compassion. Different extremes in the debate about gender incongruence offer trans people equally unhelpful advice.

One side yells, “Just be normal!”  They ignore the reality that trans people did not choose to experience gender incongruence  and that there is no proven combination of counseling or spiritual practices to eliminate gender incongruence. Those on this extreme minimize the daily, painful reality of navigating enduring gender incongruence. They seem to forget that trans people are also made in the image of God, are greatly valued by Him, and that Christians should greatly value trans people as well.

Then the other side yells, “Transition or suicide!” They suggest that transition is an effective intervention to address mental illness (including suicidality) and that those who hesitate to bless hormonal and surgical transition are increasing suicidality.

I’d encourage you to resist both of those extremes. Instead, believe trans people when they share about their experience. Honor that faithfully stewarding gender incongruence will be costly and demands the support of trans people’s siblings in Christ. Remind trans Christians that Jesus cares for them and is with them in the pain and mess of life. While it is painfully difficult to live in a world (and a body) burdened by brokenness, brokenness will not be our experience forever; we have a hope and a future in Jesus for resurrected bodies and life when all will be made right.

Finally, take your time to build rapport with trans Christians you’re ministering to. Patiently invest in relationships to earn their trust. And don’t be surprised when walking together is at times difficult and complicated. 

Second, prioritize addressing mental health challenges. Tragically, 41% of trans people attempt suicide, as compared to 1.6% of the general population. Trans suicide rates rose even higher for those who lost a job due to bias (55%), were harassed/bullied in school (51%), had low household income (61%), were the victim of physical assault (61%), or were the victim of sexual assault (65%).3 

Additionally, scientific studies have found that trans people are generally at greater risk of mental illness, experiencing higher rates of borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and autism spectrum disorder compared to the general population.4

Before jumping into heavy theological questions or difficult discernment about transition, help them gather the resources they need to care for any co-occurring mental health conditions they’re experiencing. Particularly if the individual is battling suicidality, the following interventions have been scientifically proven to most effectively reduce depression and suicidality:

1. Talk therapy with a counselor to address grief/loss
2. Regular exercise/physical activity
3. Anti-depressants
4. A broader community of social support

If a trans person you’re supporting is struggling with suicidality, help them find a therapist or counselor, go with them on walks, and help them maintain and deepen connections with safe friends and family. (For a deeper exploration about the trans experience, suicidality, and whether medical transition effectively reduces depression/suicidality, check out this article.)

Third, honor their lack of choice and explore morally neutral relief. Trans people don’t choose to experience gender incongruence, but they do have the responsibility to faithfully steward their brokenness.  Support trans Christians as they consider morally neutral options in the range of social transition that might provide relief from the gender incongruence. Help them weigh each possibility and carefully step forward where the Lord leads. Help them resolve what they can and manage what they must.

Fourth, support their acceptance of some enduring brokenness and hardship. Even if a trans Christian you’re supporting takes some morally neutral steps to reduce their distress, they’ll likely continue to experience some level of persisting and painful gender incongruence. 

While hormonal and surgical transition have not been shown to effectively reduce suicidality, trans Christians yearning for further relief will certainly be burdened by cultural messages that further transition will eliminate their distress. Step into that space and encourage trans Christians you’re ministering to to resist further transition that is unlikely to provide the relief they desire, and instead invite them to accept some level of enduring brokenness.

Unfortunately, all believers, in one way or another, will continue to experience some physical or emotional or spiritual brokenness for the rest of their life. Part of being a Christian on this side of Christ’s return is learning to live with some level of brokenness. That’s why we yearn so much for Jesus to return and make everything right, including giving us perfect resurrection minds, bodies, and souls! Help trans Christians you’re ministering to explore what Christians throughout the ages have written about suffering and how they found a way to accept persisting brokenness. And then hold space for them as they grieve this acceptance.

Some pain will be unavoidable. Trans people can’t avoid using a name for themselves, using pronouns, going to the bathroom, wearing clothes, or speaking with a pitched voice. There will be daily, unavoidable, and painful reminders for trans people of their gender incongruence. Make space for them to be angry, sad, afraid, and numb. Reassure them that their feelings are valid and that their pain is real. Promise them that you won’t leave their side, and then stay.

Fifth, give permission to reject cultural gender stereotypes. American culture has arbitrarily attributed preferences and affinities to gender that have nothing inherently to do with gender. While the core of a trans Christian’s distress is an internal sense that their biological sex and felt gender are incongruent,  feeling forced to comply with arbitrary cultural expectations can multiply distress.

Help trans Christians reduce pain related to their gender by giving them permission to reject cultural gender stereotypes. Parents and pastors can join trans Christians by resisting over-prescription of what universal, Biblical masculinity and femininity are, while maintaining a God-ordained distinction between the biological sexes and genders.

Giving trans Christians (and any Christian) permission to express themselves in culturally atypical ways may raise questions or concerns with siblings in Christ who are less aware of the arbitrary nature of gender stereotypes. Pastors and parents can protect trans Christians from harassment for their preferences and affinities by engaging with concerned believers, assuring them that rejection of cultural gender does not mean rejection of God’s gift of one’s biological sex or gender.

Sixth, encourage them to share their stories. Trans Christians need to share about their experiences to be fully known and fully loved. They need to share their stories, and they need to see their siblings in Christ respond with curiosity and compassion. At the same time, our churches need to hear the stories of trans Christians who are faithfully stewarding their brokenness.

Cisgender Christians can learn from the courage and resiliency of trans Christians, and cisgender Christians can gain self-awareness about the ways cultural gender stereotypes haunt them by empathizing with trans Christians.

Pastors and parents also need to encourage trans Christians to gather with other trans Christians.  Among those with shared experiences, Christians navigating gender incongruence will find unique support and understanding. 

Each of these opportunities for Christian fellowship can contribute to greater spiritual growth,  discovering shared meaning in suffering, and enjoying healthy intimacy in a community of believers.

Seventh, practice name/pronoun hospitality. Given names and biological pronouns can be a constant reminder of the pain and tension that is felt every day. Identifying as trans or using alternate pronouns can mean as little as “I experience gender incongruence” or as much as “I am fundamentally a trans person and must follow a trans cultural script to be true to self” (and everything in between).

In early conversation, particularly if the person is not a Christian, practice language mirroring as hospitality. Listen to the identifiers, names, and pronouns that the individual uses, and then use those same words as an act of hospitality. You might ask the individual what they mean when they use those words.

Choosing to mirror those words with those meanings in early conversation is not affirmation that the individual is using the best words and meanings, but instead an act of hospitality to avoid tension over language. This is a simple but effective way to diffuse potential tension early in the relationship and open the door for future conversation.

For those using the word trans or alternate pronouns or names to communicate that they are a fundamentally different kind of person and to signal a rejection of God’s gift of their biological sex, you might have a different kind of conversation. If the person is someone you’ve had years of relationship with, you have demonstrated your care for them, and they’ve invited you to disciple them through some of this stuff, then you might push on them about the wisdom of them using those words. Not because of the words themselves, but because of the intentions behind the words. You might ultimately choose to continue to respect their pronoun and name request, but you also will have registered with them your perspective that those preferences might not be wisest.

When it comes to minors, I default to respecting the preferences of parents, particularly if they’re kids or younger teens. Ultimately, discipleship is the parents’ responsibility, and I’ll respect that. If parents want me to honor a kid’s pronoun/name requests, then I’ll do that. If parents want me to ignore a kid’s pronoun/name requests, then I’ll do that. If older teens are driving themselves to activities, consider respecting their request unless you hear otherwise from parents.

Ready for theological conversation?

Continue building trust and trusting the Holy Spirit. After a long season of implementing these seven suggestions, continuing to build rapport, and continuing to pray for the Holy Spirit to move, you may discern an opening to enter into deeper conversation about theology and the ethics of transition.

For advice on how to think theologically about biological sex and felt gender, the impact of the Fall, and how God is inviting Christians to faithfully steward enduring brokenness, check out Equip’s Gender Incongruence Course.

Maintain relationships while maintaining convictions

Let’s explore how we can maintain relationship while maintaining our convictions. I’ve got five suggestions.

  1. Prioritize love and relationship
  2. Seek to understand, not just to be understood
  3. Embrace patience and grace
  4. Maintain biblical convictions with humility
  5. Set boundaries when necessary
  6. Trust in the Holy Spirit’s work

First, prioritize love and relationship. Christians are called to love their neighbors, including those who disagree with them on important issues. Maintaining relationships with both Christians and non-Christians who hold differing views on trans issues requires focusing on shared humanity, respecting their dignity, and showing the love of Christ, even when it’s hard.

Here’s some practical tips:

  • Lead with connection: Find ways to connect on common ground, whether it’s shared interests, experiences, or other aspects of life. Avoid making disagreements about trans issues the center of your relationship. This helps preserve the relationship in other areas.
  • Be present: Consistently show up for people in their lives, whether that’s by being available for conversations, attending events that matter to them, or offering help when needed. Your presence and support build trust.
  • Communicate care: Intentionally tell the person that your relationship with them matters more than your disagreements. Say things like, “I really value our relationship, and even though we don’t see eye-to-eye on this, I’m committed to staying connected.”

What not to do:

  • Avoid making love conditional on agreement. People need to feel that you value them even if they never change their view.
  • Avoid focusing too heavily on convincing them to change their mind every time you talk, as that can strain the relationship.

Seek to understand, not just to be understood. Instead of starting with arguments or defense of beliefs, actively listen and seek to understand why someone holds their perspective on trans issues. Genuine curiosity and empathy in conversations can soften disagreements and keep relationships intact, even when there’s no agreement. This reflects Jesus’s call to humility in engaging with others.

Practical tips:

  • Ask open-ended questions: Instead of jumping in with your perspective, try asking, “Can you help me understand what experiences have shaped your view on trans issues?” This allows them to share their story, and it demonstrates that you care about their perspective.
  • Active listening: When the other person speaks, don’t just wait for your turn to respond. Summarize their points back to them to ensure you understand and that they feel heard. For example, “It sounds like you feel passionate about trans rights because of a friend you care deeply about. Is that right?”
  • Resist the urge to argue: It’s tempting to immediately refute points you disagree with, but instead, listen fully and give them space to finish before responding. Sometimes, listening without immediately defending your view can diffuse tension.
  • Clarify, don’t assume: If something they say confuses or surprises you, ask for clarification rather than assuming their intent. Say something like, “I’m not sure I understand what you mean by that. Could you explain a little more?”

What not to do:

  • Avoid framing your questions in a way that feels like a trap or manipulation. Be genuinely curious, not combative.
  • Avoid interrupting to immediately correct or counter their points.

Maintain biblical convictions with humility. Holding to historic Christian gender ethics doesn’t mean being combative or defensive. It’s possible to be confident in one’s beliefs while also being humble and acknowledging that not everyone sees things the same way. Continue sharing truth, but with gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15), ensuring that your tone and attitude remain Christlike.

Practical tips:

  • Be transparent about your convictions: When asked about your beliefs, share them calmly and without shame. You can say something like, “I believe that our bodies are a gift from God and that God was intentional about our biological sex. I understand not everyone agrees, but this is where I land based on Scripture.”
  • Admit your limits: Recognize and verbalize that you don’t have all the answers. For example, you could say, “I’m still learning, and I don’t have this all figured out, but I’m committed to following what I believe God calls us to do with compassion and truth.”
  • Separate people from beliefs: Be careful to communicate that your disagreement with their belief does not reflect a judgment of their worth or character. “I can disagree with you on this and still deeply care about and respect you.”
  • Own mistakes: If you’ve handled previous conversations poorly or have been overly harsh, humbly apologize. Saying, “I realize I came across as judgmental in the past, and that’s not how I want to engage with you,” can go a long way.

What not to do:

  • Avoid using religious jargon that might come across as overly preachy or self-righteous.
  • Avoid presenting your views as the only interpretation of Scripture or as a hammer to wield in discussions.

Set boundaries when necessary. While love and understanding are primary, recognize that there are situations where setting healthy boundaries is needed, especially if relationships become toxic or harmful. Seek wise counsel and prayer when determining when and how to set those boundaries without severing the relationship entirely.

Practical tips:

  • Define your boundaries: Decide ahead of time what conversations or interactions might cross a line for you. For instance, if a person constantly brings up the issue in a confrontational way, you might say, “I’d like us to stay connected, but I feel like our conversations about trans issues are becoming too contentious, and I need a break from discussing this topic for a while.”
  • Communicate boundaries clearly and kindly: When setting boundaries, be clear about what you need for the relationship to stay healthy. For example, “I really value our friendship, but I’m uncomfortable with the way we keep arguing about this. I’d love to keep talking, but I think we need to focus on other topics.”
  • Stick to your boundaries: Be consistent in maintaining the boundaries you set, while continuing to show love in other ways. If someone repeatedly violates the boundary, gently remind them: “I’ve asked that we steer away from this topic for now, and I appreciate your understanding.”
  • Know when to take a break: If the relationship becomes too toxic or draining, it’s okay to take a step back temporarily. You can say, “I care about you and our relationship, but I need a little space right now to process and take care of my own heart.”

What not to do:

  • Avoid setting boundaries as an ultimatum or a form of punishment. Boundaries should be about protecting the relationship, not cutting someone off.
  • Avoid shutting down the relationship altogether unless absolutely necessary; leave room for future reconnection.

Trust in the Holy Spirit’s work. Trust in God’s work in both Christians and non-Christians who disagree. Instead of trying to “win” arguments, focus on being faithful in how you represent Christ in these conversations and trusting that God is working in hearts, even when you cannot see it.

It’s essential to understand that not all differences will be reconciled immediately. Relationships can grow through long-term patience and grace. It’s okay for conversations to remain unresolved for a time, but what matters is the consistency of love and the willingness to remain in relationship despite differences.

Want to watch the full recording of this webinar? Get access to Equip’s Digital Leaders Course to view recordings of all our past webinars.

  1. Marin, Andrew. Us Versus Us: The Untold Story of Religion and the LGBT Community. NavPress, 2016. ↩︎
  2. Steensma, Thomas D., Roeline Biemond, Fljgje de Boer, and Peggy T. Cohen-Kettenis. “Desisting and persisting gender dysphoria after childhood: a qualitative follow-up study.” Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 16(4) (2011): 499-516. doi: 10.1177/1359104510378303 ↩︎
  3. Grant, Jaime M., Lisa A. Mottet, Justin Tanis, Jody Herman, Jack Harrison, and Mara Keisling. “National Transgender Discrimination Survey Report on Health and Health Care.” National Center for Transgender Equality and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, October 2010. ↩︎
  4. Rajkumar, Ravi P. “Gender Identity Disorder and Schizophrenia: Neurodevelopmental Disorders with Common Causal Mechanisms?” Schizophrenia Research and Treatment (2014). Doi: 10.1155/2014/463757 ↩︎

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